Deep Thoughts

[ledzepgrl]

Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 03:13 PM
unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

:lol: that's one of my favorites, I love that one.



I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size, and we would get together and dig tunnels down into the ground, and live there. But don't ever call us "ants," because we hate that.

 

[Sir_Garland]

The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.

 

[ledzepgrl]

Originally posted by Sir_Garland@Mar 23 2006, 03:38 PM
I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[ledzepgrl]

If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said, "Congratulations, it's a girl," I think a good gag would be to get real mad and yell, "A girl? You must have mixed me up with that dork!" and point to another father.

 

[Sir_Garland]

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

"I helped skin Bob."

^New t-shirt idea methinks.

 

[Sir_Garland]

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

 

[Sir_Garland]

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

 

[Sir_Garland]

This one is for Leone.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

 

[Sir_Garland]

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

 

[Scythe]

:lol: this topic keeps me laughing and laughing


but, eh, what is this topic about? areyou all making this up or are you quoting something?

 

[Sir_Garland]

Saturday night live used to have this skit called Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. These are quotes from that.

 

[dascoot]

Originally posted by Sir_Garland+Mar 23 2006, 03:30 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Sir_Garland @ Mar 23 2006, 03:30 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 03:15 PM
I was taking my little nephew to Disneyland, but I decided to play a mean trick. I pulled up next to an old, burned down warehouse. "Oh no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He started crying, and I was about to tell him it was all a joke and drive to the real Disneyland, but it was getting kinda late.

^That's always been one of my favorites. [/b][/quote]
:lol: Mine too, it was actually the one I did a search for to find my stash of quotes.

The flyswatter one and the "Think again, Batman!" and the childen having sex ones, I remember hearing those for the first time as they aired and just hurting from laughing so hard. And "I helped skin Bob" is on the tshirt list now. :lol:

Oh oh! Batman reminded me of my all-time favorite one, I gotta find it..



Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing? :lol: :lol:

 

[ledzepgrl]

Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 05:32 PM
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing? :lol: :lol:

I :heart: that one :lol:

 

[leone]

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

 

[ledzepgrl]

Before a mad scientist goes mad, there's probably a time when he's only partially mad. And this is the time when he's going to throw his best parties. :woo:

 

[dascoot]

If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your act, I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown because people see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's just too much."

 

[dascoot]

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, "Hey, I'm Vine Man!"

 

[ledzepgrl]

Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 10:17 PM
"Forgive me, but that's just too much."

^ :lol: :lol:


When I shake hands with a man, the first thing I do is look him right in the eye. Then I start poking my hand around in the air, pretending like I can't find his hand. Then, if the guy's still there, I finally shake it.

 

[dascoot]

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

 

[ledzepgrl]

:lol: :lol:


When I think of all the hours and hours of my life I have spent watching television, it makes me realize, Man, I am really rich with television.