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Joke Thread
- Thread starter givemfitz
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givemfitz
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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the Computer industry with the auto industry and
stated:
"If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road you would
have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no
reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close
all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the
windows before you could continue. For some reason you would accept this.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn
would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which
case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car unless you
bought "CarNT", but then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would
only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights
would all be replaced by "General Protection Fault" and "You have performed an illegal operation" warning lights.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.
9) The airbag system would ask "are you sure?" before deploying.
10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe
set of Rand McNally road maps (Now a GM subsidiary) even though
they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50%
or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have
to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn off the
engine.
compared the Computer industry with the auto industry and
stated:
"If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road you would
have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no
reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close
all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the
windows before you could continue. For some reason you would accept this.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn
would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which
case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car unless you
bought "CarNT", but then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would
only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights
would all be replaced by "General Protection Fault" and "You have performed an illegal operation" warning lights.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.
9) The airbag system would ask "are you sure?" before deploying.
10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe
set of Rand McNally road maps (Now a GM subsidiary) even though
they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50%
or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have
to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn off the
engine.
givemfitz
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If only it were this easy...
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have
5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's
dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the
world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only
the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings,
which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest,
meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were
5" thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking
animal. It was a 9-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush
because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with
the Afghanistani dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and
slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out
of its cage and charged the American Dachshund - but when it got close
enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in
one bite.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief. "We don't understand
how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years
with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the
biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," said Bush. "We had the best plastic surgeons working for
5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have
5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's
dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the
world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only
the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings,
which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest,
meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were
5" thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking
animal. It was a 9-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush
because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with
the Afghanistani dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and
slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out
of its cage and charged the American Dachshund - but when it got close
enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in
one bite.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief. "We don't understand
how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years
with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the
biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," said Bush. "We had the best plastic surgeons working for
5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."
givemfitz
Fukushima hybrid gopher
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A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor
takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes
out the window. He immediately tells her to undress. After she
has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm
doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or
dermatological abnormalities."
"That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her
breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast
cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have
sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know
what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came
here in the first place."
takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes
out the window. He immediately tells her to undress. After she
has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm
doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or
dermatological abnormalities."
"That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her
breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast
cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have
sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know
what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came
here in the first place."
givemfitz
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Some Words About France
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh,
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh,
Shatterpoint
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car
Funniest Ratings
Here are some actual reviews for professors from ratemyprofessor.com:
15 Emotional scarring may fade away, but that big fat F on your transcript won't.
14 The movies he shows are so bad even he has to leave the room.
13 Miserable professor - I wish I could sum him up without foul language.
12 Instant amnesia walking into this class. I swear he breathes sleeping gas.
11 BORING! But I learned there are 137 tiles on the ceiling.
10 Not only is the book a better teacher, it also has a better personality.
9 Teaches well, invites questions and then insults you for 20 minutes.
8 This teacher was a firecracker in a pond of slithery tadpoles.
7 I learned how to hate a language I already know.
6 Very good course, because I only went to one class.
5 He will destroy you like an academic ninja.
4 Bring a pillow.
3 Your pillow will need a pillow.
2 If I was tested on her family, I would have gotten an A.
1 She hates you already.
Here are some actual reviews for professors from ratemyprofessor.com:
15 Emotional scarring may fade away, but that big fat F on your transcript won't.
14 The movies he shows are so bad even he has to leave the room.
13 Miserable professor - I wish I could sum him up without foul language.
12 Instant amnesia walking into this class. I swear he breathes sleeping gas.
11 BORING! But I learned there are 137 tiles on the ceiling.
10 Not only is the book a better teacher, it also has a better personality.
9 Teaches well, invites questions and then insults you for 20 minutes.
8 This teacher was a firecracker in a pond of slithery tadpoles.
7 I learned how to hate a language I already know.
6 Very good course, because I only went to one class.
5 He will destroy you like an academic ninja.
4 Bring a pillow.
3 Your pillow will need a pillow.
2 If I was tested on her family, I would have gotten an A.
1 She hates you already.
givemfitz
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The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school for moving violation offenders.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
givemfitz
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A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island. As he washes ashore, he sees a woman passed out in the sand. Able to perform CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he realizes that the woman is Cindy Crawford.
Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on earth in the man's eyes.
Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt and pants?"
"Sure," she says," if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on.
"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.
"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"
Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on earth in the man's eyes.
Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt and pants?"
"Sure," she says," if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on.
"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.
"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"
Shatterpoint
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Things you will never hear from a southern man
- Little Debbie snack cakes have too many grams of fat
- Checkmate
- Here's an episode of "hee Haw" that i haven't seen
- Honey, did you mail my donation to Greenpeace
- I'm a vegetarian
- you all
- the tires on your truck are too big
- duct tape can't fix that
- i love grapefruit more than grits
Shatterpoint
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A couple in Venice was walklking along the docks. They noticed a military vessel but was unsure what kind it was. The man walked closer to the boat and hollared at the man washing the deck.
"Hey, is she a U-Boat?," he asked
the man on the deck replied, "No, she-sa belong to the government."
"Hey, is she a U-Boat?," he asked
the man on the deck replied, "No, she-sa belong to the government."
Shatterpoint
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romance languages assign gender to their words, here are a few english nouns, and their gender...
Penlight - male, easily turned on, but not very bright
Swiss Army Knife - male, appears very useful, but seems to only open up bottles
Web page - female, it is always getting hit on
hourglass - female, after time passes, all the wieght goes to the bottom
Cars - female, most of the time they're ok, but if you mistreat them or don't pay enough attention to them they break down.
Magic 8-ball - male, often gives monosyllabic answers
Penlight - male, easily turned on, but not very bright
Swiss Army Knife - male, appears very useful, but seems to only open up bottles
Web page - female, it is always getting hit on
hourglass - female, after time passes, all the wieght goes to the bottom
Cars - female, most of the time they're ok, but if you mistreat them or don't pay enough attention to them they break down.
Magic 8-ball - male, often gives monosyllabic answers
givemfitz
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You missed a few B) Ziploc Bags - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
Subway - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick up women
Remote Control - female, because it a gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying
givemfitz
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One night a cop was patrolling a well known parking spot when he saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on. As he got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the officer walked to the car and knocked on the window.
The young man lowered his window and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a PC magazine."
Pointing toward the young woman, the cop asked, "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugged. "I believe she's knitting a pullover."
The cop was totally confused. A young couple alone sitting in a car at night, doing nothing but reading and knitting!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 19, sir."
"And her, what's her age?"
The young man looked at his watch and said,"She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."
The young man lowered his window and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a PC magazine."
Pointing toward the young woman, the cop asked, "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugged. "I believe she's knitting a pullover."
The cop was totally confused. A young couple alone sitting in a car at night, doing nothing but reading and knitting!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 19, sir."
"And her, what's her age?"
The young man looked at his watch and said,"She'll be 18 in 20 minutes."
givemfitz
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Why It's Good To Be A Guy
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 24 relatives, on December 24th, in 24 minutes.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 24 relatives, on December 24th, in 24 minutes.
givemfitz
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Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives if they carefully review the "C" answers.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
7. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear.
Note: A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife who is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).
8. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
7. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear.
Note: A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife who is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).
8. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
givemfitz
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A Pennsylvania State Trooper pulled a car over on I-81 about 2 miles north of the Pa/Md state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Harrisburg to do a show that night at the Zembo Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late. The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."
Shatterpoint
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