The Simpsons quotes


Reaction score
Ok, yall inspired me, I wanna know your favorite Simpsons quotes.

Lisa: Ooh, I wanna get a Krünk!
Marge: Mmm.. you don't want something that overshadows the pencils.. what about this Pöpli?
Lisa: Mom, no! Everyone at school picks on the Pöpli kids, even *I* do! I just hate them so much!

Hehe.. pooply..
Marge: Homer...this is positively the worst thing you've ever done!

Homer: Ohhhhh Marge, you say that so often that it has lost all meaning.

My all time favorite :lol:
I *adore* Kang and Kodos, by the way. No matter how many times I see it, it always cracks me up to see them at the controls, looking out at Earth, and laughing "AH HA HA HA HA!" with their tentacles a-flailing.. drooling.. :lol:
"Joey Joe Joe Jr... Shabadoo?"
OMG I forgot about that one!! And then there really was a guy called that.. ROFL
oh yea :lol:. and moe was like that's the worst name i ever heard.

hmm, there's so many favorite quotes i could make a list.
here's one favorite although i don't remember it exactly:

Homer: what am i going to do with all this money.
lisa: well there's a lot of needy children.
homer: oh i see. i need a gun. :lol:
Titania: "You said if I slept with you I wouldn't have to touch the bum!"
Mr. Duff: "It's such a beautiful day, where are the crowds?"

And I love the music that accompanies him everywhere he goes.. the Ferris Bueller music..
Homer: What's a wedding? Websters' dictionary describes it as the act of removing
weeds from ones garden.
Here's some that come to mind:

Bart: Lisa, certain differences - rivalries, if you will - have come up between us. At first I thought we could talk it over like civilized people. But instead, I just ripped the head off Mr. Honeybunny. (holds up stuffed rabbit in one hand, head in the other)
Lisa: Bart, that was your cherished childhood toy.
Bart: Aah! Mr. Honeybunny!

Bart: OK, but on my way, I'm going to be doing this: (windmills arms) If you get hit, it's your own fault.
Lisa: OK, then I'm going to start kicking air like this. (kicks) And if any part of you should fill that air, it's your own fault.
(they walk towards each other, then start fighting)
Marge: Oh, I better go check that out. Now Homer, don't you eat this pie!
Homer: OK...(Marge leaves) All right, pie, I'm just going to do this. (chomps air) And if you get eaten, it's your own fault! (walks towards pie, chomping air, and hits head on range head) Ow! Oh, my - aw, to hell with this. (eats the pie)

Bart: Homer!
Homer: Hehehehehe. Homer's what grownups call me. Call me daddy.
Bart: Homer.
Homer: Daddy.
Bart: Homer.
Homer: Daddy!
Bart: Da...da...da...
Homer: Yes?
Bart: Domer! Hahahaha.
Homer: Why you little...(chokes Bart)

Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger house.
Homer: No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart'll sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think her name is Mother Shabubu now.

Bart: Hey Homer, this house sucks.
Homer: Bart, I told you never to use that word. Call me Daddy.

Abe: What, seeeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeex.

Abe: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!

Abe: Wait a minute! What was that last thing you said? "Grampa's Little Helper"...what's that? (to Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II) Which one of you is the mailman?

Marge: I have nothing to say to you.
Homer: But Marge, I was a political prisoner!
Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?

I could go on forever...
"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you!?" -Homer

"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him 'Gamblor'! And it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!" -Homer

"Look Marge, you don't know what it's like -- I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth!? You can't handle the truth! Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!" -Homer
Shopkeeper : "Take this object, but beware! It carries a terrible curse..."
Homer : "Ooh, that's bad!"
Shopkeeper : "...but it comes with a free frogurt..."
Homer : "That's good!"
Shopkeeper : "...the frogurt is also cursed..."
Homer : "That's bad!"
Shopkeeper : "...but you get your choice of topping..."
Homer : "That's good!"
Shopkeeper : "The toppings contain potassium benzoate..."


Shopkeeper : "That's bad."
Homer : "Can I go now?"
Homer: Hmmm. To start, press any key. Where's the any key?

English....Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

I'll make the money back selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

Television - teacher, mother, secret lover........

Mmmmm.....Waffle run-off

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I was at the flower shop too! Yup, getting drunk at the old flower shop
More quotes:

Bart: (upon seeing a group of rabbis) Hey, it's ZZ Top! You guys rock!
Rabbi: Eh, maybe a little.

Bart: (in the Statue of Liberty, calling out to a ship coming to Ellis Island) Hey, immigrants! Country's full!
Sailor: OK people, you heard the lady. Back into the hold. We'll try Canada. (immigrants moan)

Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice...

Homer: Well, I've always been a firm believer in the three R's. Reading TV Guide, um...writing to TV Guide, um...and Renewing TV Guide.

Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Joe Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, giros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

Bart: When I grow up I want to be a lardo on workman's comp, just like Dad. (Imagines an older, extremely obese version of himself lying on a bed surrounded by people from the media) (Southern accent) I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

Homer: Marge, this is everything I've ever dreamed of right here and nobody's gonna take it away from me. You never had faith in me before, but let me tell you, the slim lazy Homer you knew is dead. Now I'm a big fat dynamo! And where's that cake?
Marge: There's no cake.
Homer: Oh.

Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas --
Marge: Bart!
Australian: "You call that a knife? *This* is a knife!"
Bart: "That's not a knife, that's a spoon."
Australian: "All right, all right, you win. I see you've played Knifey/Spoony before."
Hehehehe...season six rox. It's my favorite along with season four.

Lisa: Bart, water will only go the other way in the Southern hemisphere.
Bart: What the hell is the "Southern hemisphere"?
Lisa: *sigh* Haven't you ever looked at your globe? (unwraps globe, which was an untouched birthday present from Abe)
Lisa: See, the Southern hemisphere is made up of everything below the equa- (Bart stares blankly) - this line.
Bart: Hmm. So down there in, say, Argentina, or...Rand McNally, all their water runs backwards?
Lisa: Uh huh. In fact, in Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.
Bart: Cool!

Homer: Look at this country! U-R-Gay. Haha!

Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Now lets go back to that...building...thingy...where our beds and

Marge: There's a man here who says he can help you.
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: He's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?
Marge: It's not Batman!

Bart: Aw. Me and Santa's Little Helper used to be a team, but he never wants to play any more since his bitch moved in.
Marge: Bart, don't ever say that word again!
Bart: Well, that's what she is. I looked it up.
Marge: Well, I'm going to write the dictionary people and have that checked. Feels like a mistake to me.

Homer: (finds himself in the middle of a housefire) Aaaaaugh! What do I do? What do I do? (coughs) Oh, the song. The song. (sings) When a fire starts to burn, there's a lesson you must learn. Something something, then you'll see: You'll avoid catastrophe! (pause) D'oh!

Bart: From A-Apple to Z-Zebra, Baby's First Pop-up Book is 26 pages of alphabetic adventure!
Mrs. Krabopple: Bart, you mean to tell me you read a book intended for preschoolers?
Bart: Well, most of it.

Bart: Collin...Rayburn...Nars...Trebek! (lightning) Zabars...Kresge...Caldor...Walmart!
Bart: Kolchak...Mannix...Banacek...Dano!
Bart: Trojan...Ramses...Magnum...Sheiks!

Bart: Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a Zombie!?
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over 50, and if its SPEED changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down'."

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine".

"Son, when you participate in sporthing events, it's not whether you win or's how drunk you get".