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The funniest thing I've seen today
- Thread starter MeganJane
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drizzt_fan14
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Bloodlessr
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Easy.
Requiem For A Tower - Clint Mansell
It was originally the title song for Requiem For A Dream but this version was remade for LOTR.
leone
baby daddy
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Make Up Your Own Caption, Pt. 3! :lol:
cultclassic
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"well I lied... this is how much they WANTED to take, turns out this is my brain size"
Bloodlessr
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"I'm crushing your head, I just crushed your head!!!"
For those of you who dont get it, that is a skit from the hilarious tv show Kids In The Hall.
For those of you who dont get it, that is a skit from the hilarious tv show Kids In The Hall.
Bloodlessr
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You are right. Its more like that. 
Sir_Garland
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A blonde went into a worldwide message center to send a message to
her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she
exclaimed,
"I don't have that much money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message
to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow . . . . . "Anything?, he asked.
"Yes, anything," the blonde promised.
"Well, then, just follow me," said the man as he walked towards the
next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door," the man said.
She did.
He then said, "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead . . . . . take it out . . . . .," he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands . . . . . then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well . . . . . go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it; and, while holding
it close to her lips, tentatively said.......
"Hello, Mom, can you hear me?"
her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she
exclaimed,
"I don't have that much money, but I'd do ANYTHING to get a message
to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow . . . . . "Anything?, he asked.
"Yes, anything," the blonde promised.
"Well, then, just follow me," said the man as he walked towards the
next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door," the man said.
She did.
He then said, "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead . . . . . take it out . . . . .," he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands . . . . . then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well . . . . . go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it; and, while holding
it close to her lips, tentatively said.......
"Hello, Mom, can you hear me?"
Sir_Garland
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All hair removal methods have tricked women with their
> > >promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors,
>Nair
> > >and now...the wax.
> > >
> > >My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
> > >dinner,
>play
> > >with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
> > >my
>mind
> > >for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of
> > >the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
>It
> > >was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
> > >you
>just
> > >rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
> > >them
>apart
> > >and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair
>right
> > >off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a
> > >genius,
>but
>I
> > >am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
> > >
> > >So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
> > >other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
> > >kicks in so
>I
> > >get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
> > >yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin
> > >around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best
> > >feeling, but it
>wasn't
> > >too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
> > >She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
>extraordinaire.
> > >
> > >With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
>sneak
> > >back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
> > >championship. I
>drop
> > >my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
> > >procedure,
>I
> > >apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line,
> > >covering
>the
> > >right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my
> > >butt
>cheek
> > >(Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
> > >myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
> > >
> > >I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
>returning,
> > >I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!
>Another
> > >deep breath and RIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I
> > >may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???
> > >Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
> > >
> > >I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
> > >caused
>me
> > >so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
> > >the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
> > >There's
>no
> > >hair on it. Where is the hair????? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I
> > >ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
> > >hair. The hair should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
> > >CRAP! I run my
>fingers
> > >over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in
> > >cold
>wax
> > >and matted hair.
> > >
> > >Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still
> > >propped up
>on
> > >the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
> > >DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina??? Sealed shut!
> > >Butt?? Sealed shut!
> > >
> > >I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do
> > >and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My
> > >head may
>pop
> > >off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
>I'll
> > >run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse
> > >the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe
> > >it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
> > >
> > >I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
>torture
> > >prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the
> > >only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is
> > >having
>them
> > >glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in
> > >scalding
>hot
> > >water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck
> > >to
>the
> > >bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the
>porcelain!!
> > >God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
> > >phone
>put
> > >in the bathroom!!!!!
> > >
> > >I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
>secret
> > >of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -
> > >"So,
>my
> > >butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There
> > >is
>a
> > >slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but
> > >she
>does
> > >try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
> > >the
>wax
> > >is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's
> > >laughing
>out
> > >loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she
> > >suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!!
> > >Right!! I should be
>the
> > >joke of someone else's night. While we go through various
> > >solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing
> > >feels better then
>to
> > >have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to
> > >the
>tub
> > >in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now
> > >the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
> > >pretty
>sure
> > >I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
> > >
> > >My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
> > >grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do
> > >I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
> > >
> > >The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
>friend.
> > >It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
> > >works!!" I
>get
> > >a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
> > >successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
> > >grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.????
>So
>I
> > >recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
> > >could
>have
> > >amputated my own leg at this point.
> > >
> > >Next week I'm going to try hair color......
> > >promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors,
>Nair
> > >and now...the wax.
> > >
> > >My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
> > >dinner,
>play
> > >with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
> > >my
>mind
> > >for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of
> > >the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
>It
> > >was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
> > >you
>just
> > >rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
> > >them
>apart
> > >and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair
>right
> > >off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a
> > >genius,
>but
>I
> > >am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
> > >
> > >So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
> > >other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
> > >kicks in so
>I
> > >get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"
> > >yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin
> > >around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best
> > >feeling, but it
>wasn't
> > >too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
> > >She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
>extraordinaire.
> > >
> > >With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
>sneak
> > >back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
> > >championship. I
>drop
> > >my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
> > >procedure,
>I
> > >apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line,
> > >covering
>the
> > >right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my
> > >butt
>cheek
> > >(Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
> > >myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
> > >
> > >I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
>returning,
> > >I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!
>Another
> > >deep breath and RIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I
> > >may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???
> > >Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
> > >
> > >I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
> > >caused
>me
> > >so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
> > >the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
> > >There's
>no
> > >hair on it. Where is the hair????? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I
> > >ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
> > >hair. The hair should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
> > >CRAP! I run my
>fingers
> > >over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in
> > >cold
>wax
> > >and matted hair.
> > >
> > >Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still
> > >propped up
>on
> > >the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
> > >DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina??? Sealed shut!
> > >Butt?? Sealed shut!
> > >
> > >I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do
> > >and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My
> > >head may
>pop
> > >off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
>I'll
> > >run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse
> > >the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe
> > >it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*
> > >
> > >I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
>torture
> > >prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the
> > >only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is
> > >having
>them
> > >glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in
> > >scalding
>hot
> > >water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck
> > >to
>the
> > >bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the
>porcelain!!
> > >God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
> > >phone
>put
> > >in the bathroom!!!!!
> > >
> > >I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
>secret
> > >of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -
> > >"So,
>my
> > >butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There
> > >is
>a
> > >slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but
> > >she
>does
> > >try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
> > >the
>wax
> > >is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's
> > >laughing
>out
> > >loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she
> > >suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!!
> > >Right!! I should be
>the
> > >joke of someone else's night. While we go through various
> > >solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing
> > >feels better then
>to
> > >have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to
> > >the
>tub
> > >in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now
> > >the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
> > >pretty
>sure
> > >I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
> > >
> > >My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
> > >grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do
> > >I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
> > >
> > >The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
>friend.
> > >It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
> > >works!!" I
>get
> > >a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
> > >successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
> > >grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.????
>So
>I
> > >recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
> > >could
>have
> > >amputated my own leg at this point.
> > >
> > >Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Space Cataz
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I was at a big arcade and this woman takes 3 tickets, puts 'em in a machine, takes the receipt and walks away.
Bloodlessr
Might be alive
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What?
Space Cataz
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To count tickets efficiently arcades have ticket counter like the way you'd put a dollar in a machine. It counts, then gives you a receipt with the number of tickets you put in. Normally people put in large amounts. But this woman puts in 3. So I think its pretty funny and.
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