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Joke Thread
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givemfitz
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I had to post this one in the interest of fairness as it is one of the few right wing conservative points of view with which I happen to agree. I mean the way I dish out insults and barbs on this thread aimed at the current administration........people might get the idea that I'm some sort of tree hugging liberal pacifist.
On the contrary. I happen to believe that we've had some dandy GOP administrations in this countrys brief history. I just wouldn't include this one on the list.
They're really really really BAD people who seem to me to be setting policy and making decisions based on ideology right out of Joe Stalins scrapbook and have done so during and ever since the election.
Those who cast the votes decide nothing.
Those who count the votes decide everything.
(Joseph Stalin)
OK. End of RANT. On with the humor.
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How do you tell the difference between a Liberal and a Conservative?
Pose the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out ofhis hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative Answer:
BANG!
On the contrary. I happen to believe that we've had some dandy GOP administrations in this countrys brief history. I just wouldn't include this one on the list.
They're really really really BAD people who seem to me to be setting policy and making decisions based on ideology right out of Joe Stalins scrapbook and have done so during and ever since the election.
Those who cast the votes decide nothing.
Those who count the votes decide everything.
(Joseph Stalin)
OK. End of RANT. On with the humor.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you tell the difference between a Liberal and a Conservative?
Pose the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out ofhis hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
Conservative Answer:
BANG!
givemfitz
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George w. Bush is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"
The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."
George W. laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"
"Republicans," the child says.
"Oh that's cute," George W. says and he runs off.
A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
George W. says to Dick, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box. George W. says, "Look in the box Dick, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are."
The boy replies, "They're Democrats."
"Whoa!", George W. says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. What's up?"
"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now"
The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."
George W. laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"
"Republicans," the child says.
"Oh that's cute," George W. says and he runs off.
A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
George W. says to Dick, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box. George W. says, "Look in the box Dick, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are."
The boy replies, "They're Democrats."
"Whoa!", George W. says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. What's up?"
"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now"
givemfitz
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Yep.Originally posted by dascoot@May 10 2004, 06:31 AM
So basically, in other words.. Liberals THINK before acting.
Actually the intelligent and preffered course in most cases. I wouldn't recommend it in the fight or flight situation as put forth in the scenario though.Brings to mind the image of a deer in the headlights.
by the way has anyone ever seen Bambi vs. Godzilla? :lol: :lol: :lol:
givemfitz
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Nope. It's real but haven't been able to find a clip on the net anywhere. It's a real short animated thing that used to run at Drive-In movies before the feature back in the late 60's and through the 70's. One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life :lol: :lol: :lol:
Of course I usually had a beer in one hand and a lit joint in the other back then. Often while driving with my knees. :lol: Ahhhh good times, good times.
EDIT- http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/630...osim/adtunes-20
Of course I usually had a beer in one hand and a lit joint in the other back then.
Often while driving with my knees. :lol: Ahhhh good times, good times. EDIT- http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/630...osim/adtunes-20
givemfitz
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A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?'"
"Now what would you say?"
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?'"
"Now what would you say?"
givemfitz
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A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush appeared on the television.
After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."
A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man said.
This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool.
"Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Bush country!"
"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"
After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."
A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man said.
This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool.
"Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Bush country!"
"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"
givemfitz
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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
givemfitz
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A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor asked the old man about George W. Bush being in the White House.
The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'Post Turtle.'"
Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was.
The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."
The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain:
"You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor dumb bastard get down."
The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'Post Turtle.'"
Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked what a Post Turtle was.
The old man looked at him and drawled, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."
The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain:
"You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor dumb bastard get down."
givemfitz
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Clarification Of Corporate Lingo
Employer's Lingo:
"COMPETITIVE SALARY!
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM!
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE!
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED!
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED!
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY!
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL!
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED!
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON!
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE!
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE!
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST!
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS!
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS!
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
Employee's Lingo:
"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:!
I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE!
I pilfer office supplies.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES!
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK!
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M PERSONABLE!
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL!
I carry a Day-Timer.
"I AM ADAPTABLE!
I've changed jobs a lot.
"I AM ON THE GO!
I'm never at my desk.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED!
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
Employer's Lingo:
"COMPETITIVE SALARY!
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM!
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE!
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED!
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED!
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY!
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL!
We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED!
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON!
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE!
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE!
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST!
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS!
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS!
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
Employee's Lingo:
"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:!
I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE!
I pilfer office supplies.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES!
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK!
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M PERSONABLE!
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL!
I carry a Day-Timer.
"I AM ADAPTABLE!
I've changed jobs a lot.
"I AM ON THE GO!
I'm never at my desk.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED!
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
givemfitz
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An Israeli doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
A Russian doctor says "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says "You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for four years, and now half the country is looking for work."
A German doctor says "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
A Russian doctor says "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says "You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for four years, and now half the country is looking for work."
givemfitz
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The day finally arrives. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He walks up to the Pearly Gates and is met by St. Peter himself. The good saint says: "Well, Forrest, we're glad to see you." We have heard a lot about you. I must let you know however, that the place is filling up fast, so we have been giving an entrance examination to everyone. The test is short but you have to pass before you can get into heaven.
You need to answer these three questions:
1. What days of the week begin with the letter "T"?
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God's first name?
Forrest says, "Well, the first one, that's an easy one. There are two of them - Today and Tomorrow."
St Peter's eyes widen in surprise: "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but I'll give you credit for that answer."
"How about the second question?"
"Now, that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I'll guess the answer to be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
"Shucks, there's gotta be twelve," Forrest answers, "January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, ..."
"Hold it" interrupts St. Peter. I see where you're going with this, and I guess I'm going to have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on to the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"
"Sure," Forrest replies, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaims the exasperated and frustrated saint.
"OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of 'Andy' as the first name of God?"
"Shucks," Forrest replies, "that was the easiest one of all:
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."
St. Peter opens the Pearly Gates and says, "Run, Forrest, run!"
You need to answer these three questions:
1. What days of the week begin with the letter "T"?
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God's first name?
Forrest says, "Well, the first one, that's an easy one. There are two of them - Today and Tomorrow."
St Peter's eyes widen in surprise: "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but I'll give you credit for that answer."
"How about the second question?"
"Now, that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I'll guess the answer to be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
"Shucks, there's gotta be twelve," Forrest answers, "January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, ..."
"Hold it" interrupts St. Peter. I see where you're going with this, and I guess I'm going to have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on to the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"
"Sure," Forrest replies, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaims the exasperated and frustrated saint.
"OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of 'Andy' as the first name of God?"
"Shucks," Forrest replies, "that was the easiest one of all:
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."
St. Peter opens the Pearly Gates and says, "Run, Forrest, run!"
givemfitz
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COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM
George Bush was spending some time at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. One afternoon, he was riding in the back of his official limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man..
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, well, you can come with me to my ranch," instructed the President.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"
"Bring them along !" replied the president. He turned to the other man and said "You come with us, too".
"But, sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well," answered Bush as he headed for his limo. They all climbed in, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
Bush replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place... the grass is almost a foot tall!"
George Bush was spending some time at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. One afternoon, he was riding in the back of his official limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man..
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, well, you can come with me to my ranch," instructed the President.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"
"Bring them along !" replied the president. He turned to the other man and said "You come with us, too".
"But, sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well," answered Bush as he headed for his limo. They all climbed in, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
Bush replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place... the grass is almost a foot tall!"
cultclassic
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This actually happened in a courtroom:
Two men were being tried for armed robbery. The prosecution was questioning an eyewitness:
Prosecutor: "Ma'm, what did you see on the morning of XX-XX-XXXX"
Witness: "I saw two men running out of the store with guns in their hand. One man had a brown paper bag. They got into a car and drove away"
Prosecutior: "Are those two men you saw in the courtroom today?"
Upon which, the two defendands raised their hands, and sent themselves to jail.
Two men were being tried for armed robbery. The prosecution was questioning an eyewitness:
Prosecutor: "Ma'm, what did you see on the morning of XX-XX-XXXX"
Witness: "I saw two men running out of the store with guns in their hand. One man had a brown paper bag. They got into a car and drove away"
Prosecutior: "Are those two men you saw in the courtroom today?"
Upon which, the two defendands raised their hands, and sent themselves to jail.
This one is kinda gross but I thought it was "stupid" funny.
A man goes to visit his doctor about his constant diarrhea. The doctor prescribed some pills and told him to visit him within a week. Before the doctor stepped out, the man asked if he was able to take a shower if he had diarrhea. The doctor said, " Well, you could but I don't see why you'd want to."
A man goes to visit his doctor about his constant diarrhea. The doctor prescribed some pills and told him to visit him within a week. Before the doctor stepped out, the man asked if he was able to take a shower if he had diarrhea. The doctor said, " Well, you could but I don't see why you'd want to."
givemfitz
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After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car in a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "A girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Mary didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, "There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary's skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, "I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Mary didn't get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, "There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."
givemfitz
Fukushima hybrid gopher
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- #320
His closest advisors came to visit Dubya at the White House one evening and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up. They were astonished since he had given up drinking years ago. When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was celebrating finishing a difficult jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that wasn't much of an accomplishment. "Ah, but you're wrong. I did it in record time." When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasn't that great. "Oh yeah?" said the commander in chief, "Well the box says 3-5 YEARS!"
