Deep Thoughts

Ambition is like a venus fly trap. If a frog were to sit on it, the fly trap could bite and bite but it wouldn't hurt the frog because it only has tiny little plant teeth. Then some other stuff could happen and that would be like ambition.
 
I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. But I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.
 
Most people don't realize that two large pieces of coral painted brown and attached to the skull with common wood screws can make a child look like a deer.
 
Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 11:33 PM
I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. But I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.
:lol: :lol: I :heart: that one.
 
Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 11:33 PM
I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. But I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.
:lol: :lol: :lol:



I remember the first time I ever went to the museum and saw the mummy. At first I was afraid of it. So, to get over my fear, I started pointing at the mummy and doing a funny little dance. But then I couldn't stop doing the dance. Something made me dance faster and faster until finally I fell on the floor. Even then I couldn't stop doing the dance. I flailed about helplessly, yelling some weird Egyptian words! Then I think I passed out, from hitting my head on the marble floor. Now, I'm happy to say, I'm no longer afraid of the mummy, mainly because I don't go there anymore.
 
If you are ever skydiving, and your parachute fails, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a good gag would be to pretend you're swimming.

No one did that ^ one yet did they? :lol:
 
Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 11:36 PM
If you are ever skydiving, and your parachute fails, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a good gag would be to pretend you're swimming.

No one did that ^ one yet did they? :lol:
No, but that's hysterical :lol: :lol:
 
I remember one night I was walking past Mom and Dad's room when I heard them talking about how they might not have enough money to pay their bills that month. I knew what I had to do. I went and got my piggy bank and buried it in the backyard, where they couldn't get their mitts on it.
 
Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 11:36 PM
If you are ever skydiving, and your parachute fails, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a good gag would be to pretend you're swimming.

No one did that ^ one yet did they? :lol:
:lol: :lol: I was about to. Mindreader! :ph34r:
 
I knew Mrs. Stewart, our neighbor, was afraid of black cats, so one day I dressed up in a black cat costume and went over and mowed her lawn. Then I left. I think that cured her.
 
:lol: :lol:


I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.
 
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
 
:lol: :lol:


When I was about ten years old, we set up a lemonade stand on the sidewalk in front of our house. But we didn't sell many glasses, and after a few hours, we took it down. I think that was the first time I realized that the world doesn't give a damn about you or anything you do.
 
There's always been a good explanation for everything. When that owl attacked Grandma and started biting her head, at first it didn't make any sense. Why would an owl attack Grandma? But then we found out later: a mouse was living in her hairdo.
 
Originally posted by leone@Mar 23 2006, 11:44 PM
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Originally posted by ledzepgrl@Mar 23 2006, 11:49 PM
There's always been a good explanation for everything. When that owl attacked Grandma and started biting her head, at first it didn't make any sense. Why would an owl attack Grandma? But then we found out later: a mouse was living in her hairdo.
Hahahaha gross. :lol:

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
 
Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 11:51 PM
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
hahaha :lol:



I remember when we were kids, one of our favorite games was to play "pirate." We'd dress up like pirates. Then we'd go find an adult walking down the street and we'd go up to him and pull out our butcher knives, which we called "swords," and say, "We're pirates! Give us your money!" A lot of adults would pretend to be scared and give us their money. Others would suddenly run away, yelling for help. We played pirate until we were twenty or so.
 
Originally posted by ledzepgrl@Mar 23 2006, 11:52 PM
We played pirate until we were twenty or so.
^ :lol: :lol:


Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.
 
What started out to be a nice pleasant drive into the country turned into the "Afternoon from Hell." First of all, when Marta and I were leaving, the cats looked at us like, "Where are you going?" Then, when we were driving, we had to stop and get gas. So right there that's time taken away from looking at scenery. Then, when we got home, guess what the cats are doing? Sleeping! Man, what next?
 
This one made me make a honking noise:

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk. :lol: :lol:
 
Back
Top