MacGyver Facts


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MacGyver could kill a man with some glue and a pencil lead, but not with poprocks and soda.

Richard Dean Anderson was hired to portray MacGyver since the real one can never be looked upon with mortal eyes or your head would explode.

BloodlessR was trying to battle MacGyver with his wits and then realized "Oh shit, that is MacGyver! There is no way I can defeat him this way." Then he started punching.

MacGyver swears by his homemade condoms made of cotton and sealing wax. MacGyver has no kids.

MacGyver thinks an avocado, and ice pick, and a snorkel would make a TERRIBLE bong. Why is such a ridiculous idea named after him? Frankly he doesn't get the joke.

Contrary to popular belief, macgyver does not sport a mullet, but instead it is a cleverly designed carrying case that doubles as both a paper-clip holster and chick magnet.

MacGyver can whip you up a delectable creme brulee using motor oil, three nails and a dash of cinnamon. You will love it, or else he'll fuck you up.

MacGuyver is actually half andriod.

On the sixth day God created MacGyver. MacGyver then took over and created man with all God's leftover animal parts. He told God to kick back, take a day off.

Pepto bismol originally called themselves the MacGyver of ailments, but MacGyver, being insulted, anihilated their laboratories by throwing a soda can tab into the pepto cauldron.

MacGuyver actually replaced his own spleen once using a paring knife, a shoestring, and a cantelope.

MacGyver's only failed invention was an incendiary device that didn't explode. When the ninjas he was battling at the time examined it, they saw that he had accidently used licorice instead of rope to light the bomb. MacGyver was embarassed, but the ninjas laughed and slapped him on the back and took him to Chilis for a beer and some Boneless Buffalo Wings.

Every time macgyver uses his computer he laughs, because he actually created the internet in 1903 by licking a postage stamp and putting it on a light bulb.

MacGyver actually has a license from government to take anything at any time and use it, so if you ever see him running towards you kindly hand over all your possesions or you will be inprisoned for life.

MacGyver once stole God's Cloudsong. The resulting chaos separated Pangea.

During his college years, macgyver would skip class, and instead send his clones, composed of beer and scotch tape, to class.

Unknown to most, the best skate boarder in the world used to be blake aaronson and not tony hawk, but when blake created a new move and named it macgyver, he exploded mid-air.

MacGyver cured SARS by killing every asian person with a small plastic toy he crafted. It made them explode once they were in its presence for over 3 seconds.

MacGyver once got cut off in thick traffic. He became livid and his resulting road rage caused a firey car crash. He lept from his car and ran to the other driver, who had unfortunately died in the collision. MacGyver, thinking quickly, fashioned a defibrillator from a gum wrapper and the cigarette lighter socket, working for several minutes to restart the man's heart. The man finally sputtered back to life, and MacGyver promptly fucked him up for denting the Jag.

Awhile back MacGyver decided to make a ham sandwich, two days later we were going to the moon with the technology he developed.

Once, when macgyver forgot a condom, he created one out of a dr. sholls and a set of dice (for her pleasure).

Having created numerous bombs from just rubber bands and aluminum foil, MacGyver decided to seek out the people responsible for these two wonder products and thank them. As it turned out both inventors were long dead, but were survived by their very lovely great great granddaughters, who both fell instantly in love with MacGyver. The only logical solution was of course a battle royale. However, as soon as Foil Girl and Rubberband Girl came in physical contact with each other in MacGyver's presence, they exploded. Pity, he really shoulda known better

MacGyver once got into a scrap with Ghangis Khan, he defeated Khan by tunneling through the Earth and once on the other side he filled up his end of the hole. Khan followed MacGyver until he realized what he had done and turned around and went back only to find out the other side had been filled in also trapping him in the center in the Earth. Little did Khan know that Macgyver had placed a small explosive made of rocks and a pigeon at the entrance of the tunnel and timed it to explode and fill up the hole. MacGyver then stood over the hole and laughed heartily.

MacGyver once fashioned a crude microwave oven by hitting atoms with a hammer. The resulting explosion created the universe. He just wanted to warm up his bean burrito.

MacGyver invented television for the sole purpose of his own show. After his show had run its course he was going to destroy every television on earth until he was contacted by Chuck Norris who kindly asked him to not destroy television. MacGyver thought about it and accepted Norris' proposal after Norris promised MacGyver a 100 year supply of paper clips.

MacGyver was once in a pornographic film entitled "Jerry Rigged".

MacGyver drives a 1984 IROC Z which does not run on gas, it runs exclusively on MacGyver's will and determination.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. MacGyver ganked all the pieces and built a rocket ship with them.

Jesus was so impressed with the delightful five-course meal that MacGyver whipped together using only eggs, cheese, and carrots one night that he tried his own version with bread and fish a few weeks later.

MacGyver once burnt himself while changing a lightbulb, so he made a time machine out of a ziplock bag and superglue and went back in time and punched Thomas Edison in the neck.
Chuck Norris was nothing until MacGyver invented the roundhouse kick using bellybutton lint and a discarded 9v battery.