Occasional Horoscope

givemfitz

Fukushima hybrid gopher
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You unwittingly leave for work filled with anticipation for what the new day may hold in store when you notice that the stars are smiling upon you during breakfast.
What you failed to notice however was that they were smiling while pissing in your fruitloops. The stars can be real pricks that way. Never trust the stars. ;)
 
You will be filled with shock and horror today at the realization that the world still suffers from no shortage of uncooth, uneducated, backward thinking animals when an emergency call of nature forces you to visit a KKK rally restroom.
 
You find new meaning to the phrase "When you snooze you lose" upon waking from a 5 year coma and discovering that not only do you no longer have a house, car, or bank account but that the only thing you have left, the clothes that you were wearing when you arrived at the hospital, are now too large.
 
You will take the first step in avoiding a lifetime of disappointment today when you finally stop thinking to yourself a negative "I will not succeed" and begin thinking a far more positive "I WILL fail.
 
Today will be a GREAT day. You will recieve an unexpected promotion at work when your supervisor collapses due to job related stress and exhaustion. Congratulations!!!!
 
Fortune, in its infinite wisdom and with a sense of irony, never tires of remarking upon just how few doors have been opened for you by your job at the knob factory.
Fortune is an ass. <_<
 
A steady breeze from the east will whisper a former lovers name in your ear today, mocking you ruthlessly for ever having been intimate with someone called "Woooouuuuussssshhhhhh."
 
Fortune hopes you don't become too depressed today when the judge reminds you yet again that personal problems cannot be solved by a simple suitable application of high explosives.
 
The stars foretell a real eye opener for you today as you weigh your limited options while contemplating the various career advancement opportunities available to you and come face to face with the realization that you are too old for a paper route, too young for social security and too tired to sleep with your current boss.
 
Originally posted by givemfitz@Apr 27 2007, 04:24 AM
The stars foretell a real eye opener for you today as you weigh your limited options while contemplating the various career advancement opportunities available to you and come face to face with the realization that you are too old for a paper route, too young for social security and too tired to sleep with your current boss.
Hey, I've got a job interview in 2 1/2 hours. Your horoscopes are so on, Fitz.
 
You should pack some things and be prepared to spend some time away from home today as the guest of some mental health facility all at the taxpayers expense.

This due to your REPEATED calls to federal, state and local authorities AND two branches of our military after allowing your your imagination to run wild attempting to deduce what lies beneath that outdoor-barbecue-with-accompanying-propane-tank-shaped tarp in your next door neighbors backyard.
 
Originally posted by givemfitz@Apr 28 2007, 07:08 AM
How did it go? :)
I pretty much have it. She has to call my references and then I'll know by Monday. :D

Broke ass college student needs summer job. Gah.
 
Originally posted by thesassycynic+Apr 28 2007, 05:43 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (thesassycynic @ Apr 28 2007, 05:43 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-givemfitz@Apr 28 2007, 07:08 AM
How did it go? :)
I pretty much have it.

[/b][/quote]
YAY!!!!!! Go out and celebate.......I mean brate......celebrate Drink!!! Lots!!! :p
 
Originally posted by givemfitz@Apr 28 2007, 10:12 AM

YAY!!!!!! Go out and celebate.......I mean brate......celebrate Drink!!! Lots!!! :p
[/quote]
Will do. Going to Birmingham to meet the new boyfriend's parents and they're apparently alcoholics. ;)
 
Fate says that your problem isn't that you can't find happiness. Your problem is that that you won't find happiness. Fate has spoken.

Screw you fate. <_<
 
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