Deep Thoughts

ledzepgrl

Pro Member
Messages
2,557
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Carrying over from the other thread....this needs a place of it's own :naughty:

Have at it, kids :D


The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home.
I guess some things never leave you.
 
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
 
I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide.
Then, at the very end, there's a page that can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid.
 
If you're ever on an airplane that's crashing, see if you can't organize a quick thing of group sex, because come on, you squares.

:lol:
 
:lol: :lol: :lol:


I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
 
Probably the worst thing about having King Kong go rampant in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia.
 
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
 
Once I was passing a roadside fruit stand, and I stopped to ask for directions. There was an old grizzled farmer there, with a face that looked like he had seen many things in his life. I asked him which way to go. He paused for a moment, then took out a handkerchief and wiped his brow. I don't know what he said, because I just peeled out. I don't have time for guys to pull out handkerchiefs.
 
:lol: :lol:


If, when you die, you get a choice between pie heaven and regular heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if not.. mmmboy!
 
:lol: :lol:

I seriously can't get enough of these.


One day a beaver and a termite were walking down the road together. "I can eat through a tree with my teeth," said the beaver. "That's nothing," said the termite, "I can burrow through a tree." Then they heard a voice behind them. "You two think you're so smart, but you're nothing!" It was a bitter old drunk lady.
 
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
 
I'd like to see a James Bond movie where James Bond gets behind financially and maybe has to take out a bill consolidation loan, because even when he's applying for the loan he's still real smart-alecky.
 
:lol: :lol: :lol:


Why can't the ant and the caterpillar just get along? One eats grass, the other eats caterpillars.. Oh, I see now.
 
:lol:

I would soooo love to get paid to make up retarded shit like that :lol:


Sometimes I wish Marta was more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car parked next to ours had a real dirty windshield, so I wrote "This car looks like a fart" in the dirt. Later, I asked Marta if she thought it was a childish thing to do. She said, "Well, maybe." Man, whose side is she on, anyway?
 
:lol: :lol: Looks like a fart!! :lol:


Once my friend told me that he had found Jesus. I thought to myself, "WooHoo, we're rich!" It turns out he meant something different.
 
:lol: :lol:


I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real made when someone says something like "Hey, when are you going to pay me that hundred dollars you owe me?" or "Do you have that fifty dollars you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
 
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
 
I was taking my little nephew to Disneyland, but I decided to play a mean trick. I pulled up next to an old, burned down warehouse. "Oh no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He started crying, and I was about to tell him it was all a joke and drive to the real Disneyland, but it was getting kinda late.
 
Originally posted by dascoot@Mar 23 2006, 03:15 PM
I was taking my little nephew to Disneyland, but I decided to play a mean trick. I pulled up next to an old, burned down warehouse. "Oh no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He started crying, and I was about to tell him it was all a joke and drive to the real Disneyland, but it was getting kinda late.
^That's always been one of my favorites.
 
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
 
Back
Top